Set of white, rose, and red wine bottles.isolated on white background

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Man Puts A Party (Ahem) A Bottle Of Wine In His Pants in "Florida: The Second Chance State - Take 77"

June 7, 2019
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TC Palm reports on May 26, a Indian River County Sheriff's Department (east coast, near Vero Beach, north of West Palm Beach) deputy went to the 11300 block of U.S. 1 in Sebastian (about 8 miles north of Vero Beach) on a call concerning a suspicious man.

When a deputy arrived, he found 66-year-old John Martin, smelling of ripple, sitting on grass.

Martin told the deputy he was resting, while on his way to check his vehicle at a grocery story parking lot. Noting Martin did not appear to be "able to drive in his current state", the deputy offered Martin a ride back to his vehicle. 

Martin allowed the deputy to search him, and upon doing so, an unopened bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio was found... in Martin's pants! No word on which direction the bottle neck was facing.

Martin proceeded to tell the deputy a homeless man on front of a Speedway gas station gave him the bottle. Martin was asked if surveillance cameras at the Speedway would show this... he said probably.

Speedway cameras actually revealed Martin taking the wine bottle at around 8:08 a.m.... and promptly putting it... in his pants... and leaving, without paying.

John Martin, was arrested for shoplifting.

Imagine hearing that in court, "Sir, cameras show you putting a party... ahem... a bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio in your pants. Do you have anything to say?"

Florida: The Second Chance State! Make a mistake, move to Florida. Changes are, you'll receive a second chance, and perhaps a bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio to keep safely in your pants.